XINAAAAAAAN : D

2012-01-29T13:15:00.001+08:00

Feeling extremely sad that I can't make it for Tkd outing :(

2012-01-29T01:59:00.002+08:00

Hi all,
its been awhile since you have heard what's going on in my life.

I recently got a part-time job as a assistant marketing associate at a company and i have been working for two full days already. It's abit too quiet as nobody really communicates to me apart from lunch and giving me work. I am suppose to edit some of the excel files and i guess it would be a good opportunity to learn something new.
In addition, i think that microsoft excel is a vital skill to learn in life. Just like driving.

I also realised that going to work actually lowers my expectation of my future, which i feel that it's detrimental because it is decreasing my probability of dreaming big and being better. I keep wondering if i would have gotten a better job if i have waited longer or sent out the email that HA typed for me, but since i took up this job, i figured that i should have at least have a basic sense of responsibility and attempt to be a good assistant marketing associate for three months. I should probably get started to develop the habit of reading newspapers! My general knowledge is as empty as a well that has dried up for several years.

Okay enough of work.
it's time to talk about what i have done on thurs and fri, after the CNY.

On thurs, i met up with Siyin and lisa for dinner at Just Acia at dhoby exchange.
It was real good to meet up with both of them, esp Siyin since i only meet her once a year. The pictures are up on facebook! I loved catching up with them and after the meeting, i headed home with a warm, tingly feeling that oozed in my heart.

Guess that's what happens when you know you have a genuine friendship forged with this beloved people. I missed diondra and amanda though. :(

On Fri, we had the IXYS gathering!
It was very fun to hear the jokes and i swear we played FOOSBALL like some mad women.
the entrance was at least 30000000m away and i bet everyone could hear us screaming like some mad women. HAHA it was so fun. i wna play it again. Hopefully we can do more of such gatherings when the guys book out during NS.

And today, i just lazed around and my grandma's.

TMR IM GOING CYCLING WITH THE TKD GIRLSSSSSSSS.
Not really a fan of cycling but TKD GIRLS MAKES ME HAPPY

alright its 2am, i better get to sleep and i better learn many many valuable things up ahead in the new month of february!
BTW ITS THE LEAP YEAR THIS YEARRRRRRRRRRRRRR

okay sleep sleep. GOODNIGHTTTT

2012-01-28T23:26:00.002+08:00

CNY 2012

me, min and bro @grandma's

me at home with a full length shot of my dress which i will rarely wear again

me daddy and bro! look at daddy's cute face

me, godma and brother

and that concludes my CNY!

2012-01-26T01:11:00.001+08:00

I really really really hate it when people take advantage of my dad's generosity.

If you do not have the means to give more nvm. If you have the means to give more and you refuse to do it for the sake of your own family when my dad has always given you so much more. I don't know.

And if you fail to appreciate it then it's so much worse.

The thing I hate most from anybody is being disrespectful to my family and taking advantage of my family.

Time and CNY

2012-01-24T01:26:00.001+08:00

I know it's natural for people to age and things to change when the time comes, but it always saddens me to see my parents/granny to age each year.

I wish I had the ability to stop time.
Hmmmm, but I don't have the ability to do so. So I shall try to appreciate time with my parents and granny more.

Happy CNY everybodeh!

2012-01-22T03:03:00.001+08:00

Love is when someone reminds you of the presence of steps because he remembers that you missed a step and nearly fell on the exact same place the previous time :)

Presents and surprises

2012-01-20T03:39:00.001+08:00

I remember when I was in the secondary school, I used to devise plans and presents and think of ways to make someone's birthday memorable! I used to love the look on my friends/fats face when I planned something specially for them...

Now that I'm growing older, it seems that the inertia is growing too....
I don't know... Lately, I feel that im "forced"into doing presents for people and I don't feel genuine anymore. It seems as if I have to do up a present because it's someone's birthday and not because I genuinely want to make someone's day. Somehow, only certain kind of friends creates a certain impulse in me to think of some things for them. And recently, I think I have lost most of my impulse to do something for my friends and fats. I only have a slight impulse to do for one or two friends.

I miss that kind of impulse and feeling. I think I still have the genuine impulse to make people happy but I lost the impulse to make a birthday memorable :(

I want to get the impulse back.

Okay just my random thought before bedtime.

Anyway dearest if you are reading this, I wna give a special shout out to you for all the encouragement you gave me these days throughout the job searching process. I finally got a job! Your concern towards me is always so genuine and I love you! Gives you a million kisses virtually and Jiayou for your dental job! Love you and meet up soon! <3

Okay goodnight peeps! Have a happy weekend

Happy day out with Una!

2012-01-19T02:14:00.001+08:00

My preparation for daddy's temple saga finally ended on monday! I'm relieved that it's over and daddy brought two gods from china and they are currently sitting on top of the altar at home.

On Tuesday, I met Amanda for my dance lesson at jitterbugs and had best fries forever which tasted great! (i had the cheese one). I realise that I have lots of difficulty in hand-feet coordination and I learn the dance much slower than most people there.
Haha but the dance is always fun!
Since my coordination is so bad, please do not ask me to show you my dance moves! Unless you are having a bad day, I will probably dance to cheer you up because you would properly laugh at my every move.

As for today, i went out with Una to sign up on BTT:)

She had an impromptu meeting so I made a trip to xms to collect my 2009 yearbook which sadly was cleared away already. Wasted my 20 bucks due to my laziness (not collecting within the past two years). I also realise I have a waiting disorder. I spent money at the speed of me drinking water whilst waiting for Una to end her meeting. I guess I really need to control my spending habits since I have no more money sources.

During the waiting, I nearly went on a impulsive streak on buying beauty products but luckily I stopped myself in time when my skin hurt after trying out some exfoliating products. I guess the cause of my impulsive streak came from all the viewings of the beauty shows during my free time! Guess it subconsciously made me more vain and interested in makeup.

Anyway, I'm just really happy that I finally got the perfect iPhone case for my phone. Initially, I was planning to buy a branded one but I guess this is better hehe!

Okay this post is so mundane! I shall sleep soon and hopefully get a money source soon!!! Tired of being rejected and stuck in frictional UE, it makes me feel as if I'm not good enough for anything!

K positive thinking and goodnight! Sleep early and eat more fruits! (reminder for both you and me! *wink)

Family

2012-01-15T02:04:00.001+08:00

I have the best parents in the world.

I love my mum for always being so patient, kind though sometimes she gets on my nerves. I love my dad for being my role-model, always being so generous and always putting in so much effort for us, for this family. And
so much more

I'm glad I have to go through this entire temple thing though it's damn hot and damn dirty, as I have learnt vast amount of lessons from it.

Not being biased, but i think my family members consist of the kindest people I have ever met.

And I realise this: No matter how hard life is, life is always beautiful because of my family.

China

2012-01-12T18:18:00.001+08:00

2012-01-12T18:13:00.001+08:00

I just got back from my annual china trip to the temple my dad renovated.

China has poor hygiene and cold weather but everytime I go for the trip, I always feel immensely proud of my dad to pull off this major temple event.

In case you didn't know, my family is an extremely devout Taoist. When we go praying, we would have to scout and find many different types of offerings such as old wine that has stopped production, or various old traditional cakes or biscuits to offer the gods.

Three years back, my dad was "chosen" to renovate a temple at an xi china. (near Xiamen). It was a lot of work for him and his friends. I can't imagine how much they had gone through to pull this event off.

Unless you have personally witness the mega-scale walks of the gods in Xiamen, you can never imagine how devout my parents are as taoists.

To have china police to stop the traffic so as to let the gods parade for a long time in the roads, to hire more than 100 plus china men to carry the gods in their sedans, to have the best look dance troupe specially flown from Singapore, to buy more than 1000 kinds of wine to offer the gods (my room is filled with them) , to specially invite some xiamen minister for the ceremonies, to cook more than 160 bowls of pig trotters, to fly more than 300 people from Singapore to china and much more.

This year is the third year and it's sort of like a final year for the god's walk .
And this time they are bringing back some of the gods to yishun on this Saturday with their sport cars.

After all these, all I know is that my dad and his friends are one of the finest people I have ever met in my entire life.

My dad has been able to pull of such a major event with the help of his friends. And throughout the entire event, he had been managing his work, his friends and his family well.

To me, my dad is my idol. He has always been generous, charitable and I think he is one of the greatest people I have ever met. No words can describe
how great my dad is, or how much I am proud of being his daughter.

Though you are always busy with work stuffs and we rarely have family time,
I love you daddy and I always will.

Random musings

2012-01-07T04:17:00.001+08:00

Been having long talks with Shawn and my little brother... I love long night talks that always makes me reflect and think.

I often like to think of a year as a pie graph. Like the happy bits are one colour and takes up a certain percentage of the pie, and the unhappy bits together with all the random emotion takes up the remaining parts of he pie. As I grow older, somehow the year would consist of increasingly more portions of unhappy bits than happy bits. It also dawned on me that i was having the more portions of happiness/satisfaction during my busier years than my lax years.

My definition of busy is doing/achieving in many different tasks rather than just preparing for one major exam.

Am jobless recently. I could probably get a Job at the retail sector but it isn't what I want. I want to see the world, learn about the world and travel around the world. Even have crazy thoughts of travelling around the world on my own and make new friends along the way but I guess my parents probably wouldn't allow me to. So many things I am dreaming about.

Yet, i am not doing anything to help myself. I guess that's what makes me unhappy nowadays. Excuses. And this irks me. I need to get a job and yet I'm too picky, i need to send some emails and yet I keep postponing/procrastinating, Using my china trip as an excuse.

Whatever happened to my new year resolutions?

There is an urgent need to stop all the excuses and start being more proactive. It will definitely result in less of these unhappiness. Just really pray that the lady calls me on Monday or even tmr! It would certainly be a mood lifter. I need an office job!

I want the emptiness in my life to go away and life to be enriching. To achieve it, I need actions.

Come on Xinan, lead your life.

P.S I asked lis to be my bedtime keeper and I feel so bad that I'm wasting all her efforts. Am gna try real hard to achieve a better sleeping cycle

2012-01-06T22:46:00.002+08:00

I have been feeling so insecure about myself and I just feel sad these 2 days.

Maybe its the staying-at-home overdose. Hope time passes quickly and i can go china soon and perhaps get a job.

I feel like im wasting my life away....

Happy birthday Diondra!

2012-01-03T04:55:00.001+08:00

It's 4.41am and I'm over at Amanda's house sleeping over until it's 7 am when she has to wake up for work.

I don't have my house keys with me and I left my contacts with Diondra at her hotel at mandarin orchard, so I'm practically a blind bat and I hope I will be able to reach home safely later on..

Anyway, I just wanted to note down some memorable stuffs about my life so I will be able to read about it and recount when I grow older.

Hmmm during the cruise trip, I played the roulette and I won $60 with the help of my brother! It was my first legal trip and my first exposure of the casino so I guess it is worth remembering? Hehe

Also on NYE, I went out with Una, Desiree and Minlin(new friend) to town. There was this free countdown stage outside TAKA where there were DJs from the various radio stations. It was sort of like a clubbing event, except it was without alcohol.. :)
I didn't had much dance experience or much ability to shake my body and the rest didn't have that too.
Haha. So clever Una spotted two Indian girls moving to the beat really well, and asked them to form a circle with us. They sort of taught us how yo groove with the music. Initially, we got bored as trance music was played. We only went crazy after the music genre was changed to R&B. We started jumping with our bags, getting really high until my back was soaked wet with all the perspiration after the celebration.

On the night of 2nd of jan which was also last night, Amanda and I went over to Mandarin Orchard for diondra's birthday. Made a lot of new friends there! :D Like any celebrations, there were lots of alcoholic drinks. Knowing how lousy my alcohol tolerance is, I tried to refrain myself from drinking too much and this time I didn't puke ALL! Hehe. I drank two small cups of baileys and it tasted really chocolatey.

Thankfully they were very kind to let me off and amanda took some drinks for me, if not I would be definitely puking like mad like some of her friends did after the flaming drinks.

Haha and then I made an impromptu trip to Amanda's hse to stayover and here I am now :)

Gna try to catch two hours of sleep and try to make my way home like a blind bat!

I think these few days have made
me happy and these are new experiences that I definitely enjoyed.

Lastly, happy birthday Diondra! Hope you are happy being 19th! I doubt you will see this but I just wna tell you that I love you very much and always stay strong! We might have drifted during the JC days but I guess our friendship is the type that always exist in our hearts! I love you and stay beautiful!

K bye I'm attempting to sleep!

2012

2012-01-01T01:16:00.001+08:00

I spent my last day of 2011 shopping with the best mum and counting down with Una and co at orchard.
It was crazy fun!

Initially I thought that I missed my last 103 and then I saw the last 70! They are the buses to my home haha.
So I'm a lucky girl and I shall conclude that 2012 will be a lucky year for me!

End of 2011

2011-12-31T20:17:00.001+08:00

2011 was not exactly one of my good years...

In 2011,
-I puked 5 times after a trip to zouk,
- Participated in a Tkd competition and won something for myself.
- passed my piano practical grade 8
- participated in a 5km run with my dear Una
- climbed the school gates to go shopping halfway
- had one of the most memorable birthday
- and made awesome new friends

And much more....

I think every year of our lives provides a certain learning opportunity for us but this year I think I kind of screwed it up. No regrets though, because I have met many many awesome friends along the way.

I know this is getting incoherent but I'm rushing off to meet Una and co for the countdown so I'm just gna pen down any random thoughts I have for 2011 because by the time I get back home, I think the post would be meaningless already.

Anyway in 2011, I guess I wasn't happy most of the time because of A levels and maybe some relationship problems.

And so this are my new year resolutions:

1. Be more initiative in what I would like to do, so I won't regret and beat myself up for it.
2. Appreciate little things in life
3. Sleep before 3am everyday
4. Learn a little something everyday
5. Learn cooking

Okay 2012, here I come and I'm gna be awesome! Haha bye!

I need to sleep soon

2011-12-28T05:37:00.001+08:00

It's reaching 6 am soon and I need to sleep :( and I need a job!!!

On a random note, I don't get why some of my relatives and people around me claims that I was fat in the past/sec school. I think the most I weighed was 46kg......
I think society's weight standards of being acceptable is too much man. I think my BMI then was like 18? Which also hits the healthy range!

Somehow during the JC days, I lost 1 or 2 kg (I have no idea how, but I suspect it's the regular sleeping schedule. During the high stress levels, I lost 4 kg?! ). Why does everybody makes it sound like I lost 10 kg or something!!! (puts an annoyed face)

Anyway my conclusion is that society's standard of weights is too strict! No wonder, there are so many cases of anorexia and food disorders.

I believe that girls should just eat what they want and not restrict themselves when it comes to food. Isn't life short?

Anyway, I'm starting to not dislike makeup that much after all that influence from min.

Okay this is such a Girly and stupid post. i shall sleep.

Blissful and to be remembered day

2011-12-28T01:11:00.001+08:00

Today was really blissful, though we lost the pictures :( I like the warm tingly feeling in my heart. It's so rare.

I hope we both can look back in our years to come, how blissfully happy we both are today :)

Bucket list.

2011-12-26T03:38:00.001+08:00

I am going to create a bucket list and try to stick to my new year resolutions!!!

And one of them in my bucket list is to: swim with dolphins hahah

MBS photo

2011-12-26T01:34:00.000+08:00

Overdue MBS pictures haha

Cruise

2011-12-26T01:31:00.004+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!

this year i didnt really had a lot of christmas mood because i didnt really do much gift exchange!
haha anyway i went on a 3d2n cruise on the superstar virgo with my family hehe.
It was my third time there so it wasn't really much of a new experience.
Anyway im very lazy to elaborate so here are some of the pictures hehe.

party with the cousins!

okay bye

Best friend

2011-12-23T02:51:00.001+08:00

Hello everybody, meet my best friend!

MBS

2011-12-22T19:30:00.001+08:00

MBS was really fun with the usuals!

Kept laughing at all the jokes and it was an experience to cramp all 7 people in a room with two beds.
Created a Christmas exchange gift thing and louis's gift was the funniest (some gay blueberry shortcake doll which looks really freaky and you get to comb the hair) while Weiming gift was the best (poker chips)!

I didn't participate because they didn't want my kitkat bars (food are lousy presents!) haha and it was funny to see them exchange their gifts!

I learnt how to play poker! (yay new skill) and then we went to swim! The infinity pool was freezing cold just like the last time when I went into it. And the jacuzzi was awesome! I think it's one of the best jacuzzi's.

Watched the man united match while 6 of us shared a fork to eat our Maggie mee! (I like sharing lol!)

In the end me and Leling got too little space to sleep so we didn't really sleep... Haha until Weiming left for his class gathering then we both finally fell asleep. While I think either louis or Percy was sleep talking.

Had stupid gastric pain overnight so I took cab home and slept till 5?!

Oh and there are no pictures because I was too lazy to bring my camera and the only decent photo is with Leling heheh.

Oh and I need to regulate my meal times because I realize I have been taking like two or one meal a day due to my warped sleeping habits and I need to save more money and start work asap!!

K bye!

Clearing my wardrobe

2011-12-21T03:14:00.001+08:00

I was going to pack for MBS then I couldn't find my toga top and I got frustrated and thus tried to tidy up my wardrobe!

After 2 hours, I did it! Hopefully it was stay that way for long :)

Zhangz will be so proud of me!!!
Because I'm proud of myself too!

But in the end I still can't find my toga top LOL. Must be either in my mum's or sissy's closet.

Im sorry for the unaligned and gigantic pictures because my iPhone can't edit it for nuts

2011-12-20T18:34:00.001+08:00

Had a really wonderful day with Una and zhangz today though we just played wii and lazed around at my home!

Forget to take a picture to show off to the world my two great friends :(
My people are the best! Would never trade them for anything ever.

Love you both!

2011-12-18T23:49:00.001+08:00

After hibernating for two days, I finally have plans for the week!

Mon- fetch bro from airport and eat
Tues- meet Una and zhang over at my home and dinner with fats
Wed-thurs MBS
Fri to sun cruise.

And after I come back it's gna be two weeks of free life before I head to china.

Hate free and easy life, I rather be
Working my ass off

Zouk

2011-12-17T10:57:00.001+08:00

Ytd I headed down to Zouk with my cousins after a shopping trip my mum at town. It was the third consecutive trip to town and I'm just really glad that I still bought stuff hehe (:

Anyway the trip to zouk was horrendous. Lol waited for mel to come until it was 1am alr before me, Cherie and min entered. I took like three shots, and only the sour plum shots (last drink) tasted nice. I felt okay, mildly flushed, and headed to the dance floor with min. Whilst Cherie and mel left for phuture and got more drinks.

It honestly felt okay then, and after like a mere 15 minutes, I started feeling really queasy and I kept feeling like vomiting but nothing came out. Min had to hold me and we got out of zouk to find Melven and Cherie. From that point onwards, I died mega badly. I puked on the streets, headed to mel's car to rest, puked on his car, then mel got back, and I puked outside his car, and then we hailed a cab, and I puked inside the cab, and I went home and I puked again. And all my vomit smelt of alcohol.

I guess I must have inherited the alcohol intolerance gene man. I slept around 5 and my head was still spinning badly. I woke up arnd 9 and I still feel queasy. Took some breakfast and hopefully I will be able to get some sleep soon.

Who the hell takes 3 shots and ends up puking 5 times? Story of my life. And I'm still feeling queasy as I type this post.

Thank god for min and mel and Cherie. If not I would not have made it home, because I couldn't even walk in a straight line and open my house doors.

Doubt I will drink again. If I ever go to clubs, I'm never gna drink any shots/alcohol again. I dont care if I'm a loser but NO WAY I'm going to get wasted and feel bloody queasy and vomit all my way home again and most importantly, trouble the people I am with. I guess I kind of ruined their night man :(

To mel, cherie and min :Thanks for really taking care of me. I would have died in the streets without you guys.

2011-12-15T04:33:00.001+08:00

Out with Amanda today!
Caught new year's eve which I honestly thought that it was pretty good. It was really heartwarming and I am a sucker for movies about family and love. And it just made my heart felt warm!

Followed Amanda to town because she wanted to take a photo with her friend's brother who was one of those A&F guys! I was really surprised at the number of people crowding around just to take a photo with the A&F boys. I know that they are really hot and everything, but the crowd and the lengths that people go for to take a photo was well, astonishing. I guess humans are mostly superficial but I would honestly rather channel my efforts into more meaningful stuff like taking photos with their family. (I haven't had a family photo since like many years ago man.) Well, I guess all humans are irrational and we all have our fetishes so yea that's just my opinion.

I have been sleeping at unearthly hours and I realized that I have been easily tempted by my phone to surf the net!

And so, I am going to buy an alarm clock and switch off my phone one hour before I sleep! I hope this will succeed. And maybe I should find a bedtime keeper haha.

And I have been reading this girl's blog and I feel that it's kind of sad that she is so concerned about her body image every single day. Wonder what society has turned us to. At the same time, I guess in a way or another, we are all fighting for society's acceptance. Sad, isn't it? But I guess humans all need one another. Like what the quote always says "no man is an island".

My thoughts are often jumbled up like some rojak. So I hope that those readers would be able to understand what I'm trying to convey.

Alright I'm off to sleep before meeting someone special to spend the day with later on in the day (:

P.S I love my family and my best friends (you guys know who you are :))

P.P.S I'm blogging with my phone so the photo layout is kind of screwed. Forgive the lazy me!

2011-12-14T04:28:00.001+08:00

I have so many dreams. So many.
Most I dare not tell, because I'm afraid that it's stupid and sometimes I really just fantasize too much. I'm a dreamer and I knew it from the start. But I really need actions and start walking the talk. Gah

2011-12-14T03:40:00.001+08:00

It's 3.31am and it's official that holidays are screwing up my sleeping cycle.

Though I may go out almost everyday, I feel as though there is something missing.... Maybe because I feel as if I'm not learning enough everyday, or I think I'm just simply not feeling the right emotions whenever I want to go out.

It's as though my emotions are gradually numbing... No more excitement or anything else.
I want to get my excitement back. When we grow up, I get we lose our emotions, a small fraction at a time.

I think I just need a new job but I have to wait till 12 Jan and that truly truly sucks. It means I will be wasting my life away until 12 Jan :(

Hmmm anybody has a Job that allows people to take a small break? :)
Please introduce to me thanks! I will be eternally grateful.

Okay goodnight!

2011-12-12T23:51:00.001+08:00

Hi all! Life's starting to get boring and I hope to get a new Job soon!

Went over to dion's today after my job interview (which explains my overdressing) and it was heartwarming fun heheh. <3 lis and dion! We are missing an Amanda though :( hope we can all make it at the 30th!

After which, I had an impromptu dinner date with nan because she's leaving for china until march next year... Gna miss her :( but at least we still have whatsapp :)

Okay life is boring nowadays and I'm dying to get out of sg but because of the temple stuff, I can't :(
Wna go overseas damn badly and the feeling of everyone leaving you and going overseas just sucks so badly :(

Argh.

Okay on a happier note, at least there is cruise hahaha!

Okay I'm off and I love blogger app because it allows me to upload photos more conveniently!

2011-12-10T00:17:00.003+08:00

Prom was great!
haha post-prom was damn hilarious and damn funny.
its a wonder that we didnt get complaints because we were really damn bloody loud man.

k anyway picture spam!

2011-12-05T01:44:00.002+08:00

Okay its 1.44am and Im going to try to do a proper reflection on my work so i can look back at it in the future to see what i have learnt :)

This wasn't my first job. It was my 2nd job as a promoter for a kidswear brand.
Frankly, it was a stroke of luck that i manage to get the job. I happened to ask dearest what time we were going shopping on the 2nd and she told me that she would be working and thus, i just asked her to ask if there were still vacancies. and VOILA i got the job.

I guess it's really tiring compared to the previous job. In the previous job, i could sit down in an air-conditioned room, sip a cup of tea, facebook, eat with my cousin and get occassional treats from the boss himself. Whereas, in this job, i had to surrender my phone and wallet before entering, sneakily drink water and even had to stand straight for 8 hours!!!! (which is damn bloody tiring)
Well, if you actually do know me, you should know that i am extremely spoilt and my maid usually does everything for me. (not proud of it though.)

In the previous job, i guesss it was really smooth-sailing but this job is entirely different. This job requires lots of memory work, knowing every single piece of apparel you have, the different sizes that you have, using eye-speed to take down the price that your customers are holding, being good and fast in mental calculations. Well, i guess the service staff at all the different outlets have something admirable about them. Especially the aunties working there, i wonder how they can tahan standing there for 8 hours everyday for 10 years and go home do housework. I honestly think i would have died.

In my 2nd day of work, i met this 16-year old boy who is as mature as me. He actually told me he lived on biscuits for a few days when his parents didnt give him money. Learnt quite abit from him though he is just a 16-year-old! It's a pity that i didnt get to know his name though..... :(

Anyway, I guess im really extremely lucky because i have met really really nice bosses which often teach me patiently so i could learn from my mistakes. They don't deprive me of food and toilet trips either.
OH and the kids there are really cute too!

In short, this workplaces is really full of warmth. I often listen to my sister's experiences at her workplace and sometimes, i can't help but wonder that maybe the higher we climb, the uglier our heart gets. In this workplace, i see everyone helping each other, joking with one another and i guess it is truly heartwarming. I doubt the workplace i would be entering in the future would have so much warmth. Though there might be extremely difficult customers, working at kidswear has not only showed me family warmth and kindness in man.

I don't think i would ever be a housewife but after this job, i am absolutely sure that i would want to give birth to kids, and always make family a top priority. Though it has merely been a three day job, I guess i have learnt a lot from it. I'm thankful for the opportunity and it has further reinforced my belief that life's always beautiful and there is kindness in the world. Not the fake/forced kind of kindness, but the true kind. Hope to get more varied jobs though for the rest of my holidays.

BYE GOTTA SLEEP GNA GO FOR MANICURE LIKE A TAITAI TMR! :>)

2011-12-04T11:18:00.001+08:00

This OG job compared to the last telemarketer job is x1000 more tiring! And the pay is much lower too.
But I learnt alot through this Job and thank god it's the last day!

Now after 2 days my legs are like dying lol. My mind knows that I need to wake up while my body says no. Lol better wake up soon before I am gna be late. It's through this job that I know I'm truly spoilt like x infinity.

My colleagues are wonderful people and they are always damn cheery though!

Tmr: shopping with the girls and manicure with dearest
Tues: bonez coming over and dinner with HA
Wed: rest day maybe Kbox with Tkd girls!
Thurs: prom and staying over with OCIP girls
Fri: hangover?!?! Lol then rest at home.

For this week it's really filled and I haven't started the week and I'm feeling exhausted alr!

Love love love the life haha
Alright I shall do a proper reflection of my job tmr and get up soon

2011-12-01T22:15:00.001+08:00

A levels are over, had a great day shopping, and having the most awesum tauhuey one can ever taste.

This is the life man

2011-12-01T03:02:00.001+08:00

Can't sleep now because I have utterly screwed up my sleeping clock argh....

Lol anyway gna make a list of appreciative stuff hehehe:

My heart feels warm, tingly warm and the following actions (not in order) makes me laugh to myself whenever I remember them:

1. Nan grabbing me and assaulting me when I make stupid comments about her haha.
2. Limun wishing me good luck for today's paper and call me DEAR! (extremely rare haha!!!!)
3. SCy taking care of me because I'm a spoilt kid
4. Umme giving me pens because I like to use them.
5. Fats bringing a large umbrella for me because he scared that I'm gna get drenched.
6. Fats saying sweet stuff to me
7. Hc clutching me tightly and screaming for us to jy for the last two papers
8. Hc I love you msg
9. Bonez sunset painting
10. Bonez retarded convo with me on whatsapp
11. Zhangz helping me to pay money to hwk
12. Zhangz singing Mai Yi ya hei hei with me.
13. Kb's exclamation of I'm a genius!
14. Dearest retarded msg
15. Random change of convo settings with Lisa and dion
16. Una running just to flag the bus for me. (Awwww srsly!)
17. Bro and Sis screaming at each other to make me a dog -.-
18. Mum spending habits on me
19. Mum attempts to feed me.
20. Dad's love for me and undying support for me.

And the list goes on. I just wanted to let you guys know that you are truly awesome and life's beautiful because of you guys! <333

Alright I should be sleeping!!!!

Reflective.

2011-11-28T02:15:00.001+08:00

Now that A's are coming to an end, I am starting to feel that sense of emptiness again. That sense of emptiness always strikes me after every major exam, the end of a 4-year CCA journey, or even after a long, nice, warm drama serial.

Hmmm guess the emptiness represents a certain sense of lost in me. It feels as if life suddenly loses it's meaning... I don't really like this feeling though I would really love A's to end quickly. Guess this feeling would go away once I embark on another part of life's journey.

Anw, I really think I lack EQ most of the times. I'm rather insistent on my view, have too much pride for my own good and I guess most of the time, I'm just a really selfish person that only thinks for myself. In addition, I often jump to conclusions without thinking properly and am rather like a child instead of a teen. I throw tantrums at times and often act irrationally.

I really hope to improve that in due time because the people around me srsly deserve to be treated better by me.

Guess life's full of change and improvement gives people a sense of meaning to life.

Okay goodnight, and I shall whistle "always look on the bright side of life" to sleep!

2011-11-27T16:22:00.001+08:00

Why did I agree to go for prom?
It's such a chore finding a dress man

2011-11-27T11:07:00.001+08:00

I just woke up and this is my wake-up bored look LOL.

Anw, we were planning to catch the apple of your eye for the 2nd time, but we cancelled it in the end! :(
Godma gave me the book signed by the author as a present though! :):):)

Anyway for the past few days, I have gone shopping, met my babygirls, gave all except 1 a hug, ate with mum, explored a new place, and did a little studying!

Been blogging frequently, because I have the application on my phone now! I'm too lazy to turn my laptop on for anything else besides drama and movies.

Anw to end this off, here's a photo that always makes me smile whenever I see it! <3 OCIP

2011-11-24T19:26:00.001+08:00

''常常聽人家說，戀愛最美好的時候就是曖昧的時候. 所以乾脆讓你追久一點，不然一旦你追到我就變懶了''

2011-11-24T10:39:00.001+08:00

Ytd I accompanied mum to the convention center to find godma and to get books from the bookfair!
Got quite a number of books and I hope I would be able to finish them all!

Took circle line there and took cab back to the mrt station where mum parked her car because mum was too lazy to driver her car for sucha long distance haha.

Throughout the trip, I suddenly realized I haven't been spending much time with her since Idk when. And sometimes I feel as though she is ageing silently and I haven't exactly been very fillal. Got to go out with her more often and go shopping with her to make her smile!

After that i got home and went to watch you are the apple of my eye with fats! I guess I expected alot after everyone's brilliant comments so I think it was good but not that good at the same time. Hmmmm
Anw, I was rather late for the movie and missed quite a few parts of it so maybe watching the first few parts might have helped hehe.

Okay bye imma go brush teeth since I'm blogging this on my bed now

Drama!

2011-11-23T12:24:00.001+08:00

I really love my dramas.
It makes you learn, makes you laugh and makes you smile like crazyyyy.
I just spent the last 14 hours watching this stupid Taiwan drama and I feel very blissful hahah. But I know I have to return to reality soon! Shall return to it tmr haha!

2011-11-22T12:45:00.001+08:00

I was randomly browsing in funshion ytd and I saw this drama! Which is this tv drama called office girls....

Personally I was pleasantly surprised with this drama and it's damn nice.

Go watch it everybody! But after As la haha

A levels!

2011-11-20T10:02:00.001+08:00

It's down to the last 4 papers and I dk why but I always and only feel panicky and nervous the day before the paper. throughout the day I will be frantically flipping notes because I realized that I'm rather unprepared...

A levels are a chore man. It hasn't ended and I'm worrying about march alr.... :(

Okay got to get out of bed and do some work alr!
Bye jy everybody!

Some photo taken during umme's birthday!

2011-11-13T18:36:00.002+08:00

I just feel really down now because i think i really screwed up my past papers....
gotta stay positive but what umme just told me shredded my last ray of hope.

2011-11-13T18:35:00.000+08:00

My best friend texted me, he asked if I looked nice right now. I told him no, and he said to get ready so I look good, not to him, but to myself. Only text him back If I felt happy with how I looked. This confused me but I didn’t ask questions. I just got ready, and finally after an hour or two, I told him I felt happy with how I looked, sort of. The door rang about 10 minutes later, and my friends told me to come with them to the park. This confused me but I didn’t ask questions, I was bored anyways. We walked to the park, it wasn’t that far, and they said to sit on the swing set. I didn’t really like the swings at this park because it was the very place my first love broke up with me & shattered my heart. Just sitting on the swing hurt a bit, I went into silence at the memories. Suddenly, I was blindfolded. When my friends took it off, there he was. The boy who told me to get ready, I liked this boy, he was my best friend. He handed me a rose and got down on his knee. “I know this is one of your least favorite places. I also know you stopped believing in love after 2 shots to the chest. And you don’t like change. But this is good change, I think. I want to change this swingset from the place where you closed your door to love to the place where it just began. I’ve sat by & watched you get hurt long enough. You’re beautiful, smart, talented, sweet, funny. And impatient. So, I won’t drag this out. I love you, & I’d like to be your boyfriend…Will you go out with me?” This boy was my 3rd love, he made me feel special. It’s been 5 long years, and just today, he said those exact words. To propose.

just saw this and awwww!

2011-11-11T20:48:00.001+08:00

i am screwing up papers and papers..........
and who the helll write on govt and democracy without any research on it?!
what the hell was i thinking?!

omg.

2011-11-05T00:58:00.002+08:00

I know i shouldnt be blogging,
but i just really really really wanted to say that,

I love my family ALOT ALOT,
and nothing, nothing will ever replace any of them in my heart.

No words can ever express my gratitude for my mum, my dad, my brother or my sister.
Love you all really.

2011-11-03T23:09:00.004+08:00

In Case you miss my face.

I doubt anyone is going to read this now, since its nearing the A levels.
I am starting to get really scared and it really sucks when i wake feeling stress and the level of urgency declines as the time passes deeper and deeper into the day.
I know that this time is different, im really utterly not prepared.
You can see it from my prelims though im trying really hard to let it not define my real results.
I guess A's is a highly demanding and a test of discipline and i guess i really lack the discipline.
Im starting to hate the expectations placed on me and my family seems to think that i will certainly do well?
Argh they really dont know.

Anyway, i really need to discipline for the next 30+ days and i hope i will have it.
and Im going to skip all the internet activities from tmr onwards though i will prolly still scan twitter everyday.

OKAY, im going to face this bravely for the remaining days and good luck to you all too.

2011-10-29T20:19:00.002+08:00

If I spent a entire day watching gossip girl when A levels are here,
If I have been taking forever like 8 hours to do a paper for the past few weeks,
If I can't even finish one paper even in a day.

I srsly don't know why I am here to rant.
Hate my procrastinating self.

2011-10-29T00:38:00.000+08:00

Humans and their different values.
How fascinating.

2011-10-26T23:31:00.004+08:00

Guess i haven't been blogging in awhile.
Have been pondering over many things, reflecting about my life and my thoughts are so messed up like a plate of rojak as usual.

Recently, i had the chance to talk to many people and i realised that i have changed quite a fair bit, but well, i guess change is the only constant!
I also realise that i am a rather idealistic person who seems to think that life is a bed of roses. I guess time will mould me into being a more realistic person, provided that it throws me obstacles from time to time.

Haven't got a chance to do something that i really love and i hope the post As would be a great period for me to do things that i love. I wna learn to do so many stuffs omg.

Read this post on tumblr that says to do crazy things, stop thinking about grades and to live life yada yada. I kinda feel tired whenever i read such posts because i feel that money plays a big part in our lives and there are very little ways to do things that you love without money. I guess im superficial but i guess im a pampered girl who cant live without many things.

I want to do many things, like skydiving;bungee jumping; go for amazing race and train for it (though i havent found someone willing and close enough to do with me), scuba diving and travel around the world. Have a house that has a transparent ceiling, have a swimming pool in my house, open a kindergarden and the list can go on and on forever.

There are so many things i want to do and i guess i cant achieve any of that without education and money. So delayed gratification it is.

Sometimes, it also irks me to listen to students who talk about how the Singapore education system is doing a bad job. If you dont like it, you can always find another way out and if you have no choice but to do something, you just do your best and try to love it.
I guess its inevitable that people might complain about things in life, but those people who complain about it are so horrible that i bet you will be irritated too.

That aside, I am rather disappointed that the Thai govt is not doing a good job in flood management as it causes my thai trip to be cancelled.
Argh i was so looking forward to shopping there!

and i gotta stop being so lazy... for my preparation for As.

To end this off, i hope that thai govt do something about its flood real soon so i can go shopping there!

2011-10-23T11:36:00.001+08:00

Too idealistic. Too much that it's going to kill me.

2011-10-15T16:36:00.002+08:00

I think the best thing that happened in JC, is meeting nan as my friend! <3333
On a sidenote, I absolutely love studying with friends like zhangx, kb and nan
And I think I wouldn't mind if I have to do it everyday.

Friends like this, are like permanent rainbows in your life, they never fail to
make you smile everyday!

Off to study!

2011-10-09T20:02:00.000+08:00

At the rate I'm going, I'm never gonna save myself.

2011-09-28T16:49:00.001+08:00

You're an Adventurous Spirit

You have an innate ability to see things from a number of perspectives and your inquisitive nature means that you are drawn to anything surprising or original. Forward-thinking and modernistic in your approach to life, moving with the times is important to you and you are not afraid to push a few boundaries from time to time. You are an emotional spirit and you make really strong connections. Good friends and lots of laughs are the recipe for really happy days. And nights!

You're a fast-mover and feel energized about anything that gets your pulse racing! You're enthusiastic about life and an upbeat spirit who knows how to have fun and tends to value all which is fresh and new in the world. You tire quickly of old conventions and outdated ideas, wishing to experience new methods with youthful innocence and vigor. It's all about big thrills and exciting antics that take you out of your comfort zone. You want to feel connected to the world around you and actively seek out opportunities to get closer to nature. For you, it is all about broadening your horizons and living life to the fullest! Plan your next adventure on nytimes.com/travel.

taken from rochelle's blogggg :D

2011-09-27T23:42:00.002+08:00

my favourite couple teeheehee.

in case you have been wondering why im MIA,
its because of this!
been watching dream high and i finished all 16 episodes within 2 days and slept at 4 am because of this.
i really love it and i guess i almost forget the awesome feeling watching drama serials.
the last time was boys over flowers?

hmmm k im suffering from withdrawing symptoms and i keep going back to rewatch again -.-
you guys should really watch this!

k its school tmr and i shall focus on studying soon! :D

bye

2011-09-25T02:43:00.002+08:00

Caught a little bit of heaven with limun because there wasn't tickets left for Johnny English.
Heeh initially I was abit disappointed because I heard Johnny English was funny and I wanted to have a good laugh!
Haha but after watching the movie, i had no more disappointment!

I think the movie wasn't that funny but I kept laughing because the male actor was way way way too cute plus limun's reaction
towards the cute guy was way too funny! Lol so for two hours or so, we sat on the movie seats giggling like some fan girls and i think
we causes the row of seats to feel the tremble because we were laughing too badly.
Hmmm the storyline was kinda cliche, but I still think it was good!

Initially I was feeling abit blue and had this life's boring outlook,
but meeting limun chased all the blues away! <3
Like what she said, it's the little things that count!

Hmm just caught some episodes from dream high and it looks quite nice hehe.
Might start watching it after As!

Okay it's 2.50am now and I should probably get to sleep!
Happy happy happy today teeheehee

2011-09-22T23:36:00.003+08:00

PICTURE SPAM!

today marks the end of prelims and im satisfied with all the shopping with nan and steffi!
<3 my girlsssssssssxzxz

2011-09-21T21:05:00.002+08:00

You know I actually realized that different friends bring out different aspects of you.
I dk why but I find myself more willing to do certain stuffs for certain people yet less willing to do certain things for some friends.
Hmm I guess the chemistry between me and bones is so special and she is one of the rare few that I am not calculative towards.
And one of the rare few I don't feel any sense of awkwardness at all.
And one whom I know definitely won't judge me at all.
Love ya bones.
<3
I don't know but she gives me a family feeling you know?
Very few friends make me feel that.

Okay this post is so random, I'm just going to study for chem paper 1 now!

2011-09-21T20:25:00.000+08:00

I really really think emailing teachers is a scary task to do. :<(

2011-09-20T22:36:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I fear people judging me so much that it's slowly eating me up alive.
I try to ignore all of it, but at the end of the day, I know I would still care about it.
I'm dying to escape all that but it's inevitable and at the end of the day, no matter what humans judge.

I feel like I'm struggling to fulfill all the unexpected expectations of everybody around me that I'm slowly losing myself in the process.
I just wna be comfortable and happy.

On a sidenote, I have really been too slack for Prelims, unless you are me, I don't really think you would understand what I mean.
I have screwed Prelims big time and I don't even need to get back my papers to know it.
People may blame the paper for being hard, some papers might be hard, but some definitely doable.
It sucks when you don't know how to do a qns, but it sucks even more to know that you would have known it if you have studied well for it.

On a side-sidenote, I think I'm perfectly capable of distinguishing who truly cares for me and who just doesn't.
So I don't care if I'm going to be selfish, but my time and energy is limited so I'm just going to treasure those around me that cares and don't give any attention to those that are not worth it.

On these days like this, I guess no one would be able to understand how I feel.

On a lighter note, I'm excited to go out with my girlies on Thursday <3
they are one of the best things that happened in my life :)

Shit my English sucks so badly, I can't even express myself properly.

2011-09-19T20:58:00.003+08:00

I'm so slack for Prelims that I'm starting to feel that I don't deserve the break that is awaiting me.

2011-09-18T10:49:00.004+08:00

Have been feeling like a rollar coaster, thinking way too much(but i still think its good.) and lacking the urgency for prelims.

I'm still in a process of finding out what kinda person i am and so far this is what I've realised:
Well, im a person that is well, rather over-confident of myself at some points and i tend to lose interest in things pretty quickly.....
so i gotta keep my drive and motivation as long as possible and focus my best while it lasts.

Am still figuring about what i truly, truly, truly want in life and the various human relationships i have around me.

Hmmm hopefully, my motivation will get revived today and start working for tmr's paper!

k to end it off,
i miss you guys (points down!)

2011-09-17T23:47:00.001+08:00

I'm so sad now I don't feel like talking Anymore.

2011-09-12T19:57:00.001+08:00

My personal belief is that if you ever want something, you will work hard to get it.

So now, I'm going to ask myself the question if I want it hard enough.

2011-09-06T23:58:00.002+08:00

Was talking to Shawn just now and I really felt that I suddenly had an older brother!
Really hope he could be mine one day. Really really really!
Hope it would be soon though (wink)

Anyway Una and baby have been telling me that I'm too idealistic and over confident of myself and I should wake up...
So I'm gna try to dispose my distractions and start focusing!
So less blogging and no more phone for now.

To abruptly end off,
I love my family, friends and baby.
<3 hope they stay happy every single day.

2011-09-06T12:32:00.001+08:00

Slowly, I lost my way.
This time I'm never going to lose my way again.
Im going to block out everything in the world and think about it when I have the time.

It's time to be me.

2011-09-05T19:59:00.002+08:00

I rmb rmbering that amanda's birthday was coming soon and I rmb that I must wish her on the day itself.
And guess what?
I actually forgot to wish her ytd..

Omg srsly Xinan, WTF have you been doing?!?!
Thinking about people and issues who don't even give a damn about you?
Omg I have been too busy pursuing issues and people that arent worth my time.
I ought to open my eyes to care for people that care for me and stop taking others for granted.

I'm so guilty I need to slap myself.
Happy birthday dear! May you stay happy as ever though times are hard.

So angry with myself, I can't even forgive myself

2011-09-04T11:53:00.002+08:00

Had a really wonderful time with S37 on teacher's day and unfortunately I'm too lazy to upload them!
Need to retrieve my camera hidden beneath the clump of mess just makes me even lazier.
Maybe I will upload today!!! Haha when I actually feel like it.

Okay and that day was so good that it made me feel genuinely happy for a long time.
You know how genuine happiness cannot come easily?
Especially when one gets older, genuine happiness doesn't appear so easily.
Miss the times where I actually get really excited about something.

And after all these while, I think that my choice to come to Vj was definitely a good one!

K off to start a new new life.
I love all my friends, they keep me happy everyday.
Even studying with them makes me feel blissful :):):):)

2011-09-01T12:15:00.001+08:00

I'm done. Im done with you.
I'm never gonna be a foolish person to go back to my old footsteps again.
No more. I give up.
I have better things to do than this.

2011-08-31T22:53:00.002+08:00

Was feeling slightly blue and tired after the papers and everything around me, so i decided to take a break and watch movies on funshion.
Guess i love the feeling of being alone now as compared to previously.
hmm it gives me inner peace i guess.

I went to research on the Internet on the top 10 inspirational movies and peaceful warrior came up.
There were several inspirational quotes and i think it motivated me!
If you are free, you can go catch it on funshion.

hmm here's a quote to remind myself:
"A warrior does not give up whathe loves. He finds love in what he does"

shall take my dreams as my fuel to life everyday.
I dont want to waste my life anymore, doing mundane stuffs that has no meaning.

Alright, im off to sleep!
<3 you guys.

2011-08-28T19:34:00.002+08:00

I didnt realise how time passed so quickly until it finally dawned on me that Friday was my last day of school.

I entered VJ willingly, but along the way i often wondered what would have happen if i had put HCI or RJ as my first choice instead.
To be honest, i think i entered VJ because of hsiaoching, baby and perhaps because i knew more xms people would be choosing the school.
(i know this is so loserish and i shouldnt based my choices on people but well, i guess i didnt have the courage to go to some school which seemed extremely unfamiliar)

No doubt, there is amanda at hci but i just felt that i wouldnt be able to fit in.
and this unfortunately, left me pondering if i had made the right choice to come to VJ after all.

I once asked weiming if he regretted entering VJ because of the branding that might not be as good as RJ or HCI, but he said he never once regretted because he loved the culture of the school.

Well, i cant say the same for me, but i know im happy in VJ and the friendship i have forged over the two years will be treasured close to my heart.
I know i will definitely miss the school. Though i might have seen to have become less bubbly or cheerful after entering the school, but i have come to realise that this is part and parcel of growing up and not because of the school itself.
One thing im sure of is that VJ has allowed me to grow and it exists as a really great school in my heart.

In VJ, i joined taekwondo, and it played a major role in my VJ life. Though deep in my heart, it didnt touched me as much as XMSGZ did, but i have had several takeaways from it, esp being persistent. It also showed me that the great and selfless attributes my friends in taekwondo have. Esp nan, cecilia(gay partner!) and una.
They are my greatest gifts and i count myself to be extremely extremely extremely fortunate to have met them. Thank you so much for everything friends <3
AND GAY PARTNER IF YOU READ THIS, must catch up with me soon.
I would also like to thank hongaik for teaching me tkd skills, or even helping me out in my schoolwork unfailingly. Thanks king!

Even though we didnt emerge as champions, i still love VJTKD <3

During the process of 2 years, i guess S37 was extremely lucky to have all the caring and superb teachers, lets hope we all will be able to excel in it. Though S37 might not be the most bonded class, but im glad that we are able to still come out with teacher's day dinner plans! Though we dont really talk to each other alot, i know that i will still miss the class quite alot. :(

OMG I GOT SO MANY PEOPLE TO THANK AND LOVE, i shall just cut short this blog post and do a proper one when im free.

sorry for the abrupt end, got to go and run errands for my family.
kk i shall go off nowwwwww

stay tuned heheh

2011-08-25T22:40:00.001+08:00

Since im waiting for the file to be sent over by the generous ching yee,
i shall kill time by blogging!

well, school has been relatively okay and happy,
guess the girls around me always keep me happy and bouncy hehe
<3<3<3

okay i have nothing much to say except that Im studying at a real turtle speed because of my daily required naps of 2h and i need to buck upppp.

k bye!

2011-08-19T22:31:00.002+08:00

A few days ago, I was talking to Nan about the things i wanted to do in the future.
She told me that she felt that she have been wasting her 2 years of JC life and i guess i felt the same too.

I guess i should have did my research from the start, and be focused on what i wanted to do. Though it is indisputable that there may be still time to salvage the situation, but the probability is rather low.

Anyway, most people do tell me that im all talk and no action.
Even I find it to be rather true at times.
I ought to start changing that trait of mine though it is going to be a difficult task.

Today's assembly was inspirational and i guess i really need to have faith.
Argh i am so frustrated with my lack of ability to express myself so i shall just end the blogpost here.

2011-08-16T21:05:00.001+08:00

When you realize that you have less than 1 percent of achieving your dreams,
That's when your whole world comes crashing down.

2011-08-13T00:37:00.001+08:00

i have already decided what i wanted to do and what im aiming for.

BUT JUST AS I HAVE DECIDED WHAT IM GOING TO DO,
i have no more time left.
and srsly when i found out what i wanted, i regretted not doing whatever i have not done to achieve it.

if i cant achieve it, i guess i only have myself to blame.

reminder to self: leave no room for regrets.
and please gimme all the luck in the world for me to realise my dream.

DREAMS DREAMS DREAMS DREAMS DREAMS DREAMS.
this is going to be my food to survive everyday.

2011-08-09T01:33:00.002+08:00

I know it's late at night and people tend to reflect abit more and sometimes their thoughts might not be exactly what they would think in a morning.

Well, I was just thinking that it's rather sad that humans lose their innocence and capacity to love after bring hurt for a few times.
It shakes their faith and some just stop putting in effort for the rest of their relationships.
I have heard of friends who are afraid to trust people, or friends who only accept friends that initiates a friendship with them.
I think that's sad but unfortunately just a part of life.

Saw this from someone's blog and I found it to be quite true:

Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it's the only person who will ever receive all of you. after that, you learn better. but, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved. a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. that piece holds innocence, the belief that love really can last forever. it holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you'll never forget, and that night under the stars you can never get back. it holds youth and everything you thought love would be, everything that was proven wrong.

I guess it might not be applicable to everyone but I guess for most people it is this way.
I just wanted to pen down this thought so as to remind myself to trust and to love people despite whatever failures I will ever encounter or had encountered alr.

I'm alr beginning to close myself up to someone who only treats people the way they treat me.
And I'm starting to be afraid of trusting people and giving my utmost in my human relationships due to past experiences that I have had.
This shouldn't be the way.
Maybe it's alright to treat a person that way after you have known his/her character,
such as not trusting the person with secrets because he is not trustworthy
but you should still open up to new people and trust them or rather put in your best effort and give people a chance.

This is gna be hard, but I am gna try my utmost to uphold this.
Never stop loving and giving in your most to people you love.
I guess love makes the world go round, don't lose hope and keep loving.
That way, the world is gna be a beautiful place.

2011-07-31T18:24:00.002+08:00

Most of the time I get insecure, but I know my parents would always be there for me.
With that, I love you mum and dad <3

2011-07-24T23:02:00.002+08:00

i have gotten food poisoning and stomach flu.
guess the reason is due to eating western food or thai express.
hope i recover soon because it sucks going to the loo every few hours. :X

anyway after reading blogs and everything, i have reflected
and this is my conclusion:

Im a person that is not easily motivated and needs to be hand-held and be pushed.

During the xms days, the teachers kept pushing us to finish papers, it was kind of like spoon-feeding. I guess that worked for me.
Now, there is nobody to spoon feed me now, guess its time for me to grow up and feed myself.

time to grow up xinan.
i stopped believing in myself since 1 year ago.
Now its time to start believing in myself.

grow up xinan!
and study hard everyone!

2011-07-17T01:24:00.002+08:00

Hi all!
I'm flying to china tmr for a couple of days.
Hope I won't miss too much lessons and I'm gna be running an errand for daddy dearest <3
Found out something and I'm gna try to get every single of my fighting spirit and positiveness back
Vj has made me too negative about the things around me.
And the people arnd has made me so easily sad too.

Now it's time for my happy comeback :)
It's time for a stronger, happier, bouncier, nicer Xinan!

See you guys arnd! Xoxo

2011-07-14T12:25:00.001+08:00

I think one of the most impt to-dos in life, is to treat other people like the way you want them to treat you.

I guess sometimes i forget that too.

2011-07-10T20:34:00.002+08:00

Just finished reading a biography from a china author.
It's been long since I read a proper book and I read it within a day without disruptions.
Feels free and once I finished the book I feel exhausted submerging in a world for a long long time.

Guess thoughts keep changing and people keep changing as well.
Well, guess it's time for me to prioritize and maybe sometimes leave things to fate so I won't be bothered by not so impt stuffs in my life.
Need to remind myself to not do frivolous stuffs that can be done after 4 months.
For a start, I guess I'm gna start running tmr and excercising with my dear girl limun<3

Time to build up discipline so that all I ever wanted would actually fall into place :)

2011-07-05T23:51:00.000+08:00

There is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's been swept away. :)

2011-07-05T00:07:00.001+08:00

I havent had a decent wordy post for a long time.
As the traffic slows down and the silence surrounds me while time starts to pass slowly into the night, thoughts often start to engulf me one by one.
Guess its night time where humans often reflect hur.

It's the same old stuff running through my mind again and again.
You know how sometimes you wonder what could have happened if you made that choice instead of what you had picked now?
Hmmm, guess it serves as a reminder to myself to go for what i truly truly want in the future so i can stop convincing myself that i have already made that choice and cant travel back into the past.

I guess im still young and im still trying to find out how the world functions and the magic of the world. Being protected safely in a bubble, i cant help but wonder if its really good for me. Life's a wonder, i guess.

Well, school's starting tmr and these few days have been so much fun. With brunch with ocip people and so many shopping dates, it left me feeling elated and a huge whole in my pocket. Need to save soon. Hopefully, i will be able to reorganise my thoughts and spirit and wdv i need so as to ride through this stage of my life.

Though the intentions of people might make the world seem like an ugly place, i guess the world is still beautiful.
Or perhaps, i have always been at an advantage and have been too overly-optimistic.

Lastly, to end of my random rojak post, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY <3 will never ever forget the lengths you go through just for me. I love you mum!

k off to sleep :D

2011-07-03T13:51:00.001+08:00

The dream was so scary but likely it felt unreal.
Must be some of the movies I have been watching recently.
No more such movies.

2011-07-01T22:41:00.000+08:00

shopping with the girls today <3.

2011-06-29T01:47:00.002+08:00

Needa grow and I need to be able to express myself better.
Mr choy's right, I have been too superficial all along.

2011-06-23T22:59:00.004+08:00

Hi all, no I'm dead, I think I just lost the blogging bug.
I don't think I will close down my blog, but I guess I will stop blogging for awhile.
Wait till I find purpose in blogging again :)

Meanwhile stay happy <3

2011-06-12T13:39:00.001+08:00

Learn to be smart xinan, learn to be smart.

2011-06-10T22:42:00.003+08:00

when can i get out of this vicious cycle.
i need courage, discipline and tons of discipline.

i hate being weak.
i need to start pursuing what i really want in life.
so inadequate, so insufficent.

i need to feel the rush.

2011-06-10T01:25:00.001+08:00

Im eighteen already gosh man time fly so fast!

Anw my eighteen birthday was awesome thanks to the many wonderful and lovely friends that i have.
Thanks daddy for everything and surprising me by asking the hotel to send a cake up to my room!
My dad seriously super sweet haha, in the past whenever we go to the restaurant he always ask the staff to buy cake from swensen or ask the restaurant to play birthday song for me. My family is awesome. <3

Anw I would like to thank all my friends, from the surprise with the OCIP clique to the amazing race CIP at sentosa with my classmates and nan and scy to una singing to me at the vivo top to the "surprise" from the awesome four to a fun day at the USS (though for the third time) to baby baking cookies for me and everything.

<3 you all my birthday wouldnt be so happy w/o you guys.

anyway im lazy to elaborate into the details so i shall let the pictures tell the story.

okay now time to sleep and start studying for real!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K NIGHTS

2011-06-01T23:32:00.002+08:00

i was reading the answers that one could possibly learn from a child,
and here's one of the answers!

and i want

To laugh when happy
To cry when sad
To ponder and wonder when amaze
To imagine without limits
To hug with all yr might
To run for fun
To say hi and bye without feeling shy
To say I love you and mean it every time
To play
To say Whoa! and feel the excitement in life!

k time to start studying after a wasted day!
byeeeeeeeexz

*gives a major tight fat hug hahaha

2011-05-26T22:11:00.004+08:00

balloon sculpturing for feeling fab!

the other day with umme and hsiaoching <3
took a polaroid with them and i wished that dearest were there too!
they never fail to make me happy with their jokes when all of them come together.
<3 <3 <3 <3.

Now that term two is coming to an end, i think i ought to do a reflection and think about what im embarking on next.
Recently i feel that my senses are slowly turning numb. I no longer feel so much for anything anymore. No excitement about things, rare happiness about events or even not being angry about unfairness. I rmb telling king and una that i think the reason for my numb senses is due to my new ability of looking at things in opposing sides. I think i tend to be swayed easily and i find myself looking at a third person angle more than ever.

i wonder if its good.

On a hindsight, i think that not being happy all the time actually means that im growing and im slowly changing and getting out of my comfort zone. Though it comes with the trade-off of being happy, i guess it's good for me.
Guess everything in the world is about balance nowadays.

I also think that i ought to be more independent. Have been relying too much on people. If i rlly plan to go overseas to study, i have to become more independent. On a sidenote, many thanks nan and scy for always helping me in everything im lacking in! like balloon sculpturing and spa. I cant tie balloons for nuts man.

Alright i think im slowly turning into an introvert because of my thoughts lately.

i think starting tmr till sunday my days will be great!
tmr- steamboat with ocip people!
sat- movie with the usual gang!
sun- amanda's dance concert!

BYE GUYS!

2011-05-22T02:26:00.002+08:00

hello all its 2.26am alr!
and i wanted to sleep but eventually i gave up and i started to read blogs online.

anw, i cant rmb what happened this week except for spa, hockey finals and shopping?
this week srsly passed like a breeze and it was damn slack.

the only thing i rmb from this week is that i spent over 100$ bucks in a day
and am still feeling quite guilty about it.
(may not be much, but i have officially turned into a new leaf and have decided to stop spending so much of my parents' money)

Other than that, i only know i feel really happy meeting umme and hc today or rather yesterday.

alright this post is so pointless im going to sleep. nights.

2011-05-21T17:28:00.000+08:00

If you want to be respected, you have to first respect yourself and make yourself worthy of it.

2011-05-15T17:55:00.002+08:00

When you are going through tough times, have faith and believe in yourself :)

I rmb this particular incident though it happened a few weeks ago.

I was complaining about my newly cut bangs to my sis bf,
then he suddenly turned to me and say:
Nan, dont complain, you are beautiful!

and that practically made my day.

it might be another trick of his or he might not mean it,
but he always make a conscious effort to care about what im going through,
teach me to play basketball/ buy food and persuade my sister to save macarones for meee!
and listens to me though im not exactly his real sibling yet or anything.

im so lucky to have a "elder brother" that care.
<3 you shawn.

2011-05-11T21:32:00.001+08:00

i actually feel that there's something lacking in my life.
idkw

2011-05-09T20:04:00.002+08:00

i have been spending this weekend meaningfully!

Haha in case you couldnt read the words on the bright orange tee,
I signed up for the goddess 5km run with una and it took place on satuarday!
hehehhe I ran the entire thing!
i also held hand with my bff(una) and crossed the finishing line!
that day was so bloody hot that i think that i would have died halfway without my bff keeping pace with me.
Thanks una <3<3<3

and in case you guys didnt know our team is named RED8 for hongaik (which i wonder if you are reading this right now.)
i met many many people there and made friends and had h2h talks with junksin and una on our way home.

today, i accompanied my mum to do shopping and as usual she paid for all my expenses. #mymumisawesome

and looking at the time now, i guess it officially marks my three-day wonderful break.
So it means that i need to study hard for the rest of the weekdays to make up for my happy weekend :D

happpy reading my random rumblings about my days
bye!

2011-05-05T23:21:00.002+08:00

Everybody sees it's you
I'm the one that lost the view
Everybody says we're through
I hope you haven't said it too
So where do we go from here
With all this fear in our eyes?
And where can love take us now?
We've been so far down, we can still touch the sky
If we crawl 'til we can walk again
Then we'll run until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly until there is no wind
So let's crawl, crawl, crawl
Back to love, yeah
Back to love, yeah
Why did I change the pace?
Hearts were never meant to race
Always felt the need for space
And now I can't reach your face
So where are you standing now?
Are you in the crowd of my vault?
Love, can't you see my hand?
I need one more chance, we can still have it all
If we crawl 'til we can walk again
Then we'll run until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly until there is no wind
So let's crawl, crawl, crawl
Back to love, yeah
Back to love, yeah
Everybody see's it's you
Well, I never wanna lose that view
If we crawl 'til we can walk again
Then we'll run until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly until there is no wind
So let's crawl, crawl, crawl
If we crawl 'til we can walk again
Then we'll run until we're strong enough to jump
Then we'll fly until there is no wind
So let's crawl, crawl, crawl
Back to love

Crawl- Chris brown

This song brings back memories to me.
This couple days without my earpiece has been killing me.
I'm so glad that i finally bought another proper one.
I always find it amazing that how some songs can capture my feelings so wonderfully.
And some songs bring back memories whether painful or delightful.
I love listening to songs man.

I have been sleeping alot and taking my meds regularly and I think I'm gna recover soon.
My life feels really peaceful recently, I rarely feel the stress, the rush, the enriching feel ever since Tkd ended.
I feel like I'm gradually closing up, like being more independent and less dependent on people?
I wonder if it's a good change but I think I prefer the old vibrant me where I would always take initiative to talk and everything.
Maybe it's just the period of resting when I fall sick.
Or maybe it's this new mindset of accepting everybody the way they are whilst being the strictest on myself.
I stopped fighting or voicing out my opinions or rather "enforcing" my opinions on others because I guess it's time for me to
look at both sides of the situation.
I think I'm becoming more of a Hsiaoching or Cecilia somehow?
Just my gut feeling.

Speaking of Cecilia if you are reading this, I miss you!

I recently watched a video about a lady who is determined to make sense of the world even though it's hard.
She seemed so passionate and everything that it kinda inspired me.

So for now, I shall enjoy my inner peace, just take steps back, watch how people work, watch how the world revolve around me and make sense of it.
Love you all and stay happy!